My son, Workneh, is 16-years-old. He does the dishes after dinner every night. I sit across the room on the couch chatting with him while he washes the dishes. He tells me about some aspect of his day, or something he was just reading, or a story about one of his friends. It is the one time in our day, besides dinner, where we get a chance to talk.
As he is washing the dishes, I notice how much dishwashing detergent he is using. A lot! And the dishes he is lathering up are then put in the dishwasher. Soap bubbles rising into the air. I think about interrupting him while he is telling me a story about some classmates vaping on their walk home and them encouraging him to try it. In my head I think of saying, “Workneh, you are using too much detergent, you don’t need that much, in fact, you don’t need any if you are putting the dishes into the dishwasher.”
I stop myself from interrupting him by saying any of those things and ask myself, “What really needs to change in this moment?” The answer is nothing. This time with my son is so brief, so fleeting, so lovely, like the bubbles rising into the air and disappearing as he washes the dishes and places them into the dishwasher. Soon he will be off to college, not washing the dishes every evening and telling me stories about his day.
Contentment is one of the internal disciplines we practice in yoga called the Niyamas. The word for contentment in Sanskrit is Santosha. It translates quite beautifully as being satisfied or content thoroughly in all directions. Some of our discontent is necessary, it fuels us to create personal, social and political change. At other times, our discontent is an old habit of mind that is always wanting things to be different than they are. I make a practice of returning to this question when I am feeling discontent in the body, heart and mind, “What really needs to change in this moment?” It allows me to soften the mind and open up to what is really happening. With practice I am beginning to discern what needs to change and what is perfect as it is.
2.42 सन्तोषादनुत्तमः सुखलाभः ।।४२।।
santoṣād anuttamaḥ sukha-lābhaḥ
Owing to contentment, there is an unexcelled attainment of happiness.
Yoga Sutras of Patanjali